Jenna Loves Me

Jenna came into my life by accident. Like when you press * by mistake and the good people keep changing your dialler tune for you.

She professes through countless emails that she ís my friend and sends across psychic reading for me. (I might have done some good deeds in my past life for her to worry about me so much). Imagine, in today's world when you have to pay even to take a leak, Jenna does not mind that I have not paid her the $ 45 that she had once asked me for.

She is more regular in keeping in touch with me than I am with even chatting up with my folks. My Dad would have loved to have her as his daughter.
Once she sent me pictures of some strange looking men and horses. Here...

I should have thanked her for the postcard. She might have really loved it coz she went on and on about some chariot and # 7 and how the man with the funny hat was standing. I hope she does not see me as a man coz she kept on comparing me to him.

September, last year, she was very excited that I would be entering into an Astrological Transit which would, she said, have an enormous importance in my life.

She said, "Reena, I know that each one of us counts on our own intuition but believe me, in my experience, this is often not enough. As far as you are concerned the Transit which you will soon live through is too important for you to risk missing out on it, I could even go so far as to say that after having analyzed and reanalzyed your astral skies I can see that this Transit could really play a very decisive role in your life if you are able to get the very best out of it. "

She was even at my disposal, she said, to do whatever she could for seeing me through the transit.

I wonder if I should have told her about the golden and purple costume I thought of designing for my Astronomical Transit (even the golden sun kissed hairdo I had in mind). It does go with the image of Astronomical Transit, does'nt it? But I forgot. What a relief it was to know that Jenna was not angry with me for long.

She still keeps sending me those nice colourful postcards. I do not have the heart to ask her to perhaps send me postcards of some movie stars or even mountains.

She would be sending me a book written on me. A book of Revelations, she said. I have always fancied a book on myself. But I would not want everyone to see it. Given her love for colours, she might just put a picture of me in purple pants.

shake it 2 ur left and shake it 2 ur right

If you get caught on a Saturday afternoon in a contraption of a mall, while hip people and not so hip ones scurry about, have a foot massage as the last stopover. If you are mad since you have had to wait for lunch till 6.30 in the evening, then coax your friend to try out the electric body massage chair (which is rated at some freaking grands).

My friend sat trapped as if for some virtual reality experiment. Face frozen while man-made fists thumped through her back. Suddenly her shoulders started shaking –left-right-left-right-left-right. Her eyes kept opening wider by each fraction of the second.
The other friend had her mouth open wide while she asked- ‘why are you shakin so?’ I am not! She screamed. This chair is shakin! Take me out take me out!

My Saturday was made. As I knelt on the floor because my laugh got taken over by the tummy ache at seeing her shake and scream and look perplexed all in one electric moment.

Lesson of the Day

Do not make any deals with a movie-fanatic.

She will badger you, read repeatedly badger you with “u promised u promised…”
She will also repeatedly play at emotional blackmail
Be warned. You will want to
(a) stare blankly at her as if she is speaking telegu
(b) stuff her through the fish like grills of office window
(c) doggedly finish work that would otherwise have remained undone for the day
You will also have to stealthily type emails in an official document and copy paste it later (without the official letterhead ofcourse)

Bheja Fry, here I come.

to be or not to be

7 ways my movie-mate makes plans with me for a movie. There are times when our plans fall into place immediately and we rush after office and times when she has had to coax me….which she has become a master in… in 7 different ways….and I have become a bitch in making her try and coax me in 7 different ways…..

# 1: Suggestion: “Lets go for a movie today. We will leave early….”

To which I reply….”I won’t be able to finish early so don’t wait for me. U go ahead, I tell her…..”

After 5 minutes of staring into her computer, she turns and looks at me…

# 2 : Excited Suggestion (as if Suggestion # 1 was never uttered): U know what! (What? I ask with raised eyebrows…) Lets leave early today… and go for a movie….(‘today’ is said with a couple of nods….Eyes are doe-like, big and innocent)

I grunt a non-commital response, to which she says…..

# 3 : Emotional style: .......“u don’t want to see a movie with me ?" (her eyes grow bigger…the look of innocence takes on a hurt expression now…If her voice could echo….it would echo as…with me…with me…with me…till fade)

I feel a twinge of irritation by now. But the varied expressions amuse me. I try very hard to wear a straight face because I know there are better styles yet to come

My friend/colleague silently works till lunch time.

Suddenly…..# 4 : Don’t miss the chance of a lifetime style: ..."U know what? this is so and so’s comeback movie…so and so’s debut direction…so and so’s music composition…so and so’s bla bla…"...

I give a vague smile. But I am very amused by now. And I am one step-ahead of thinking “cho-chweet”. If only she would quit asking at this point.

# 5 : She makes my plans style: "Listen…..Finish work by 6. We are going for a movie today after office".

I do not bother replying.

# 6 : Negotiating style: "What do you plan to do after office today? ...... (long pause...she continues staring....I feel a hole burning at the back of my head....) If you do not have any plans, do you want to catch up on this particular movie?"

Very sensible…to which I say…”I do not want to commit since I am not sure whether I shall finish work early. U carry on. I shall join you if I am free”.

By now, I do feel like a heel for doing this to her…nevertheless….she tries ….

# 7 : Done with you style: Ok bye. C ya 2morw.

I say…."What happened? I thought you wanted to catch up on the movie?"

She screams excitedly…."To chalo na! You ‘to’ (read as hindi ‘to’) are not saying anything. Lets go…chal chal… Jaldi…".....


One day she will call my bluff. One day I shall say… Back off!